It is often said that relationships need work in order to be healthy and grow. But we are designed for love. We are designed to be in connection. We are designed for intimacy. That is how we have survived as humans. We aren’t designed to be alone. We are designed…

Breakups can be difficult. The more love there is in a relationship the more painful it can feel when it ends. There is nothing wrong with this. …

I’ve been reading about the placebo effect. This is the body or the mind’s capacity to heal through believing a treatment is real even when it is non-active. Treatments can be as simple as sugar pills and be as extreme as fake surgeries. The placebo effect is a mystery for…

I am writing in bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see our long-haired tabby cat Aurora. She is lying half in and half out of our sliding door. Fortunately for her, the screen door needs to be replaced so she has this liberty. She feels safe…

Emotional pressure drives us, and not in a good way. Often during conflict in relationships, we are driven by our emotional urgency to act and say things that we will often regret afterward. Urgency does not bring out the best in us. It is not our natural state. It is…

The pain of our childhood experiences informs our coping mechanisms. Often these coping mechanisms show up in our adult relationships in ways that are painful or damaging to the goodwill in the relationship. It can feel vulnerable to shift away from these coping mechanisms and actually even feel like things…

Criticism arrives and shame creeps in. Black tentacles of judgment grow like vines squeezing my heart, strangling my stomach, trying to swallow me whole. I have done something wrong. I am bad. I am not good enough. I am unworthy. The visceral experience of shame is hard not to notice…

Unfortunately, traumatic events are part of the human experience. However, not everyone who experiences a traumatic event suffers from trauma. And sometimes people experience trauma after events that might not be considered by some as traumatic. Trauma also doesn’t just result from what happens to us. It also results from…

Angus and I have been watching the news in dismay as we learn more each day about the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the horrors unfolding. …